Self-compassion and giving kindness online #5TTT

Hi all,

Blogging, Facebook, Instagram, snapchat etc etc. Being a part of todays modern world means having 24/7 access to these websites and platforms. We see smiling faces, delicious food, read interesting stories but more often than not we read, look and as a result have opinions.

‘I wouldn’t do it that way’

‘No way would I try that’

‘That’s too much effort…’

‘That’s not enough effort!’

Some take their opinions to the extreme (trolls), some don’t go so far but instead make snarky comments. Others keep their opinions to themselves (thank you!) but it doesn’t stop us from feeling the way we feel. I’m not perfect. I don’t read blogs and look at pictures on Instagram and believe everyone is doing or saying the right thing. I disagree all the time and, like everyone, I let certain things really get to me. But I always reflect back – why do I feel this way? Then I give myself some compassion and the author and poster of said blog/ picture some kindness.

Let’s dive into that a bit more for this weeks 5 top tips on a Tuesday – self-compassion and giving kindness online.Self-compassion and giving kindness online - chase the red grape

Reflection

Reflecting back on why something makes you feel a certain way is important. We do it all the time in our day to day life but we somehow forget to do it when it comes to our online life. This person was not writing or posting directly to you, why have you taken it so personally? Does it expose some insecurities you have about yourself? Get to the bottom of why you feel this way.

Self-compassion

We are human. We are going to compare our lives and have different opinions. We are going to feel jealous, frustrated and hurt by what some people post. Some are pushing the boundaries trying to hit your buttons and you are falling right for the trap. But in these moments show yourself some compassion. So you see someone with the ‘ideal body’, who does 4 hours of cardio per day. You have reflected back and realised that this picture makes you feel insecure about your own body but also makes you angry at the message he/she is promoting. Be compassionate. You are human. This will happen. It’s what you do next that counts.

Kindness

Let’s carry on with the example above. You are feeling insecure and angry about that photo. You can do one of 3 things. 1) Leave an angry comment about how you disagree with their message 2) Walk away and stew for the next few hours letting it affect you. Or 3) Show them kindness.

Many people out there don’t realise what they have done would annoy you. Many folks are out there doing their best with what they know. You may be seeing their highlight reel but not knowing the struggle that goes on behind that post. They may be too afraid to show the truth or their fear. Kindness is acknowledging their right to post. Kindness is being friendly because it makes you feel good, not because you have to, but because you want to.

To follow or unfollow?

I follow people I disagree with on a regular basis. Why? Because I acknowledge their right to think differently from me. I like the questions they allow to bring up in my mind. I like that they help me define how I really feel about different issues. However, I have also followed people who have made me feel unhappy. I understand I am allowed to feel this way but the best kindness I can show this person is to unfollow them. You are in control of what you see on a regular basis. If someone does not gel with you or makes you feel unhappy then unfollow. It’s as simple as a click of a button.

Let it go

Our online lives are only going to become more prominent. We are going to be exposed more and more to things we don’t like/ disagree with. There were always people out there who thought differently to you, you just didn’t see them pop up on your Facebook feed every morning. Follow the steps above and even after you have unfollowed them, you must let it go. We all need to start either being at peace being surrounded by differing opinions or backing away from life online. Don’t let one picture or post ruin your day. Instead focus on the ones that have made your day. Keep your life online a happy one.

Do follow people online that you disagree with?

How do you react when you read something you don’t like?

How often do you unfollow people?

(Linking up with ‘Thinking Out Loud)5 top tips on a tuesday - chase the red grape

How much is too much at the gym?

Hi all,

I am surrounded by folks every day, both in person and online, who are sporty. Some are CrossFitters but many do a variety of other sports, including home workouts. It’s fantastic to see and very inspiring!

I also spend a lot of time looking at behaviours, habits and how this affects a persons overall health within my job. We can all see how a bad habit, such as smoking, affects a persons health in a negative manner. No one can deny that. But what happens when you suspect that a persons seemingly good and healthy habit is cause for concern. That their fitness habit is just too much.

For this weeks 5 top tips on a Tuesday I want to get you thinking about your own personal fitness and whether or not it delves into the ‘too much’ category.gym - chase the red grape

Comparison

First and foremost we have to realise that one persons ‘too much’ will differ to another. You may need more time off during the week, you may have other stressors in your life, this person you compare yourself too may come from a sports background and so on and so forth. You need to focus on what is right for you and not compare yourself to another. It’s perfectly fine to need more time off. It’s perfectly fine to have other priorities. Just because someone in your gym or on Instagram works out 5 times a week does not mean they are at peak physical health nor does it mean you should work out to those time frames too.

Read your warning signs

Feeling sluggish throughout the day? Constant muscle soreness? Never quite catching up with sleep? Coffee and alcohol your best friend? Getting injury after injury? These are your warning signs. No, it’s not right to always be sore or tired. That’s not why you workout, you workout to be healthy. And if your not feeling healthy then maybe it’s time to reflect on what you do at the gym and take a step back. Sleep, stress, diet and the relationships you have in your life are other areas that require constant attention and reflection.

Mind set

Love those endorphins? Love being with your gym friends and sweating together? Feel like you miss out or yearn for it if you can’t make it? Maybe a little too much? We all laugh about FOMO (fear of missing out) but what is it your body actually needs. Another killer workout? Or do you actually just need a big dose of happiness and company? This is a big area that’s complex enough for me to write many posts on but just take a moment to check in with your why. Maybe call up your gym friend and ask if they want to go for a walk and a coffee instead of heading to the gym. Question your motives.

Scaling

Does the thought of scaling a workout send shivers down your spine? Is it all or nothing – but actually always ‘all’ and never ‘nothing’? If that’s you, you will know exactly what I mean by that. I have taught myself, after 4 years doing CrossFit, that sometimes the best thing for me is to simply turn up and move. I scale the heck out of the workout and just enjoy moving my body without going to extreme. Do you check in with your body before every workout? And more importantly, do you listen to what it is telling you?

Do you take time for rest?

Ah rest, remember that old chestnut? No? Then maybe you should be thinking twice. I like a routine and that’s why I factor in rest days during the week. Actual rest days – aka just walking, no more. Your body needs to rest and restore, build the muscle you want it to build, catch up on sleep. It can’t do that unless you give it some time. How many rest days do you need? Well that’s up to you and your lifestyle. If the only stress you have in your life is your training then maybe you can get away with less, but if your job, family etc give you any form of stressor then adding exercise to the mix on a daily basis will not help.

Check in with your body and listen to what it is telling you – are you doing too much?

What does too much look like to you?

How many rest days do you take?

What is the biggest warning sign you listen to/ don’t like to listen to?5 top tips on a tuesday - chase the red grape

Pick your battles #5TTT

Hi all,

Are you tired of feeling like you have to fight all the time? Maybe your life feels like one constant battle. Maybe you feel like it’s one battle after the next after the next…

We live in stressful times – sometimes its external stress, sometimes it’s the stress we impose upon ourselves to be more, do more. Work, home, family, Instagram… fight, fight, fight. Aren’t you exhausted? I know I am.

So for this weeks 5 top tips I want to get you thinking about how we can all pick our battles in life. Battles are inevitable, but how they appear in our lives and how we react to them really is the key.Picking your battles - chase the red grape

Remember, life should be easy

It may sound obvious but sometimes I think we really do forget this point. The purpose of life isn’t to be hard, full of pressures and constant battles. It should be easy, fun and happy. If you can’t make your battles disappear then try introducing a new habit/ routine into your life to do something you enjoy. Taking a walk, reading a book, a long soak in the bath.

Priorities

Figure out your priorities. What do you really want to focus on? What demands your attention and deserves your attention? What battles are worth fighting? What is worth your time, energy, drive and, sometimes a part of your soul? (Or it sure feels like it anyway!). Fighting for equal pay at work = a battle worth fighting for. Trying to get your kids to pick up their socks and allowing it to drive you insane = not worth it.

Seek clarity

Are you fighting? Is it really a battle? Are you the only one in your team that feels this way? Battles can be surrounded by so much confusion, how do we really feel? In order to work this out you need to focus on gaining clarity. Make sleep a priority so that your mind can process the information and break it down into the necessary and unnecessary. Take some time to walk or meditate. Allow yourself to slow down during the madness so that you can really take stock of what is going on. Maybe you do need to be a warrior for a while – take care of yourself so that you are in the best head space to fight.

Sometimes the right thing to do is give in

You win some, you lose some, right? Well you need to let this be your mantra. If it’s not worth fighting then it’s perfectly fine to give in. You are not a loser! You are not weak! You are not less of a person! Remember this! Picking your battles means that often you just have to let go. You may not be entirely happy but you won’t have gained the stress and anxiety that often comes with fighting. And soon enough, if it wasn’t worth fighting for then the anger will disappear.

Take ownership of your choices

Whatever you decide to do in battle, fight or not, just make sure you own your choice. There is nothing more confidence boosting that taking ownership of your own decisions. You may decide that a particular argument just isn’t worth it but are you letting the other person ‘win’ if you walk away with your head held high and don’t allow it to affect you? No. You win because you took control of your own life and your own decisions, regardless of what that decision was.

You have the right to pick and choose your battles – just make sure to take advantage of it!

Do you feel like you are constantly fighting?

Are you good at assessing what’s worth fighting and what’s not?

Are you good at walking away from an argument?5 top tips on a tuesday - chase the red grape

The guide to assuming #5TTT

Hi all,

Assume = making an ass out of u and me. Now I am sure you have all heard of that phrase! We assume which makes both you and I look bad.

But assumptions are creeping more and more into our daily lives, making this phrase all the more relevant.

We assume things about others, heck we assume things about ourselves! We assume paths and outcomes from choices we make, situations we are in and problems we might face. Often these assumptions stop us from making choices/ decisions in the first place. We assume so often rather than being open to possibilities, it can be a hindrance to us all.

So why do we assume? What can we do to turn our assumptions around? What elements can we practice in our daily lives so that assuming doesn’t hold us back? Lets dive into this weeks 5 top tips on a Tuesday!assuming - chase the red grape

Why the negative?

Assumptions are almost always negative. Why do we jump to that conclusion? Protection. We do it to protect ourselves from the potential hurt in any situation. We assume someone thinks badly of us or no one would want to spend time with us to protect us from the potential of it being true. We use our experiences of being burned in the past to predict the future. Sometimes we may be right, but if we only think of the negative outcomes we are never fully informing ourselves of the situation and every possible outcome. And that doesn’t sound very fair to me!

Reasoning with yourself

You have to check in with your thoughts, feelings and actions to stop being someone who ‘assumes’. What is the situation? Why are you thinking this way? Are you being negative? What would be the other side to the argument? I try to ask myself these questions when I find myself assuming a certain outcome from someone or a situation. I also point blank ask others these questions when I know they are assuming. Reason with yourself and be a rational thinker – don’t let assumptions lead to more stress in your world.

Reality

The moment has come and gone. You assumed a certain something and the result of that has presented itself. You were wrong. What do you do now? You learn from the reality. In some situations we can’t help but assume, it’s all we have. But we should always reflect on what the reality ended up being. If we want to be driven by our experiences we have to learn from when our assumptions burned us, what we missed out on, and when we should dismiss the negative thoughts.

Turn it around

These previous experiences can be turned around! Decide not to go on a trip with your girlfriends because you assume they don’t want you there? But they message you every day with pictures saying they missed you? You assumed and judged wrongly. So turn it around. Arrange another trip for you all to go on. By assuming things about others you put people in a bad light, but actually all it really does is speak wonders about who you are and how you react to things/ work out your choices. If you recognise these thoughts within yourself decide how they are currently serving you. Do your assumptions help or hinder your decisions about yourself and others?

Do you even care?

And last but not least, do you even care? So often we make an assumption about others or ourselves when in reality we don’t even care what the outcome is! So why be brought down by the negative thoughts or crazy office gossip when it doesn’t affect you or your daily life. Why assume what choices others will make when we have absolutely no control over the outcome. Why assume the weather will be bad when you have decided to have a weekend at home anyway? Leave space inside your head for what you care about. Assuming is guessing without knowing or having any proof – let’s all try to remember that when it’s controlling how we live our life!

Do you tend to assume in situations?

What have you assumed the most about yourself but have been surprised at the outcome?

Ever been burned by an assumption?5 top tips on a tuesday - chase the red grape

Friday Favourites + Episode 29 of the Chase the Red Grape Podcast

Hi all,

Gosh this feels like it was a long time coming but I can finally say that this weekend we travel back to the UK for the first time in almost 2 years!

I am so excited to see all my friends and family and to soak in some good old Scottish air!

But before I go, I just wanted to check in with you all for some Friday Favourites but also to make you aware of 3 things…

  1. 5 top tips on a Tuesday will still be here for you each week! They are all scheduled and ready to rock with some awesome topics.

  2. The podcast will also have new episodes each week – David and I have been busy bees recording them all for you and every time having a blast.

  3. Follow our travels on Instagram! Yes we will be posting pics and Instagram stories the whole time we are away so you can follow us @chasetheredgrape or you can follow David too @dagefo – if you think he is way cooler than me!

So please keep supporting the website and the podcast even while I am away. I really appreciate all the support and love you give me. I hope that you gain from my insight, tips and thought to help you lead a healthier happier life!Friday - chase the red grape

But enough soppiness – time for Friday Favourites!

Favourite… Moment – Coffee time!coffee - chase the red grape

No joke, every day this week I have been so happy for coffee time. I really do believe that SAD (seasonal affective disorder) affects us all in different ways and with winter coming in fast, the desire to hibernate has been at an all time high. Coffee has been my saviour!

Favourite… Feeling – Going home

Even though I love Perth and it feels like the perfect fit for David and I, I am so pleased to be heading ‘home’ for 3 weeks. It really is about time for the both of us to have some time off and where better than in the comforts of our family homes. It’s that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Favourite… Purchase – Hair cuthair - chase the red grape

Yup yesterday I got my hair cut and I am really pleased with it. Got it all thinned out again so it no longer looks like triangle hair and I could just zone out for an hour. Good times!

Favourite… Food/Drink – Nam Tokthai - chase the red grape

Asian food here in Perth is amazing. Probably due to our close proximity to Asia plus the guys making the food are all migrants to here. On Saturday I went for Nam Tok – roasted beef with chillies, veggies and rice. It was so good, so flavourful and everything I wanted for lunch.

Updates – 5TTT + New episode of the Chase the Red Grape Podcastperfect - chase the red grape

This weeks 5 top tips was a real passion for me to write – aim for done not perfect. Let’s stop trying to make ourselves and others perfectionists all the time! It just ain’t happening!chase the red grape podcast

Episode 29 of the podcast looked at planning a trip. Lots of handy tips and tricks of things to think about along with our own travel stories. Download now on iTunes, Stitcher or via the website.

Favourite moment of training – Um… being done?!

I love training. I love the people I do it with and I love our coaches. But the best part of training this week was at about 7.15am this morning when we left the box and headed to get coffee. Get ready body for some good old rest!

Weekend Plans – Saturday – Getting my nails done, packing and going out for dinner with our friends before they leave. Sunday – Pancakes and newspapers, finish packing and head to the airport!

Have a fab weekend folks!

Are you excited for a holiday coming up?

What is your favourite type of Asian food? (Mine is Vietnamese)

Do you enjoy ‘going home’?