5 things I have learned about marriage #5TTT

Hi all,

Today David and I celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary!

These past eight years have been filled to the brim with so much – buying and selling our first home, travelling, getting through a serious illness and oh yeah, moving to the other side of the world!

Every little experience we have had together make us the partnership we are today. The team we are today… and I love that.

So for this weeks 5 top tips I thought I would bring to you the 5 things I have learned about marriage from over the past eight years. Some of this may resonate with you, others maybe not. After all, each partnership is different. But as so many of you know David pretty much as well as you know me, I thought it fitting that I focus on the core of what makes us who we are, our marriage.marriage - chase the red grape

Communicate everything

Nothing is too big or too small to talk about. If it’s in your head then chances are your partner wants to know about it. I 100% believe in the principal of ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ and your partner is the ideal choice to confide in. They have chosen you, flaws and all and sometimes those little secrets you keep hidden are things they deserve to know. Treat your partner how you want to be treated. If you want to know what’s in their head you have to be an open book too.

You need laughter

Being married is serious business… but it is also the most fun you will ever have. Laughter, fun and smiles needs to be at the core of what you are all about, after all what first attracted you to them? Yes you need to make time for adulting but you also need to factor in specific time for fun. Make plans for a date night or a funny movie session. Go out for dinner or a big long walk every weekend. Make time to enjoy each others company and smile.

Find out who you are

Recently David and I have undertaken a few personality tests. The two that have been the most helpful are Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies and The Five Love Languages. The first focuses on why you make the choices you make, the habits you create and the way you think. The latter focuses on the type of love you give and the type of love you like to receive. Understanding ourselves via the Four Tendencies have enabled us to explore why we do what we do and react to the other person. The Five Love Languages helped us to have a conversation about what we need from the other, how we would like them to show their love – actions, presents, physical touch etc. Both definitely helped me understand myself more and as a result our relationship more.

Be open to growing together

You will change over time. I could tell you a million and one reasons why I am not the girl I was when I got married eight years ago. I have grown so much as a person but a lot of my growth has been as a result of David, impacted by David or instigated by David and vice versa. Many could say we are lucky that we have grown together, with the same goals, mindset and dreams, but I honestly think it was because we were always honest and open to changing our stance or view dependant on what the other needed. You may want or need different things to your partner but don’t be afraid to bring down your barrier.

Seek adventure

Marriage is one big adventure with lots of ups and downs and side to sides. Be open to this adventure and it can take you places you never dreamed of. You have someone by your side to help guide you, comfort you, drive you and support you. Let the love and trust you have for one and other be the only confidence you need. Whatever you want to do you can do it – because they always have your back.

If you are married, what are some of the things you have learned?

If you aren’t married, what would you want in a partner?

Has finding out about your personality helped any relationships in your life?5 top tips on a tuesday - chase the red grape

6 thoughts on “5 things I have learned about marriage #5TTT

  1. Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says:

    Communication is so big. I lived by myself and was single for like 7 years, so I was basically terrible about that when we got married. We’re both getting better though. One thing we did was take the 5 Love Languages test – it really helped understand each other!

    Adventure is big too. Even things that suck – like having to move – we look at it as an adventure and make the best of it.

    I also recommend wine. 😉
    Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…One Day I’ll Eat Like a Normal Human… #WIAWMy Profile

    • Jen says:

      I was so sceptical of the 5 love languages for so long, I thought it sounded kooky… but then I took it and David and I chatted about it and I realised it was a massive revelation!

    • Jen says:

      Hahahahahaha! You aint wrong there!
      Ps I love when you come back and comment on all my posts. Blows kiss xx

  2. Cora says:

    I think being in a relationship is what teaches you the most about yourself. These can be different types of relationships of course, but I know since being with Dan I have learned SO much about why/when I react to things the way I do, my own down falls, and most especially – what I need from him/others. I never realized before I need signs of physical touch (those 5 love languages). I also learned that I am the one that needs to be honest with him in order to have him understand what I need. It’s not all up to him to decode me! As nice as that would be… aha.

    You and David are such positive inspiration for me (and dan). I love that you two put fun as a priority and are always finding ways to play and be silly and go on adventures and even your traditional weekend coffee dates. You aren’t afraid to keep your inner kid alive. I love that.
    Cora recently posted…Going On The Low-FODMAP Diet? (Thinking Out Loud)My Profile

    • Jen says:

      You know I think the fact that we love being that ‘inner kid’ at heart means that the joy of marriage is always there. It’s like getting to hang out with your best friend all the time – that sounds pretty cool to me!
      But for a while, especially when I was ill, I really wanted David to have to decode everything all the time, why didn’t he understand what I wanted or needed? Because I never told him, I never opened up the way I needed to be. Even now things surprise me, like the 5 love languages, which we only did a few months ago. Physical touch is where it gets me too… and I never would have guessed it until I was reading about it and completely realised that’s what I needed.

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